Father creates “jail” scenario to teach daughter a lesson

In the interest of protecting the small child from public shaming, I will not post the images that the father posted on his Facebook page. I have also blacked out the father’s name and the daughter’s name. It is not my interest to shame the father either; I only hope to inform and share my thoughts.

The six disturbing images portrayed the little girl (not more than four or five years old, most likely) in three “mug shots” and then an image of her eating meager portions, standing on a chair to wash dishes, and a cot on the floor that the father claims she was sleeping on alone. In the photos, she is visibly upset, near tears wearing a large orange t-shirt that appears to possibly say “prisoner” on the back of it.

I am utterly disgusted with what this man has done to his little girl, not only publicly shaming her for all the world to see, but also for creating a “jail” for a child, barely old enough to be in school, by the looks of her.

Worse than this scenario that he has used to teach this little girl “a lesson” is the plethora of people that are in complete support of it, championing this father as an innovator of child care. How do they not recognize how terrible this is?

If you aim to raise a child who doesn’t think for themselves, who falls in line with the other sheep of the world, then this is the way to do it. I raise my children to be independent and creative thinkers. They are separate from me, with their own personalities. That is what I want for them- to be comfortable to make their own decisions. This means, that if I accept who they are, that they are allowed to disagree with me. It is healthy to disagree, rather than going along with everything someone says.

Does this come with issues? Well, of course it does? But, we raise our children in an atmosphere of love and understanding. Do they tell us no? You bet they do! And that is their right as a person in this world.

But, we also raise them to have compassion and empathy for others. We also raise them to extend a helping hand. We raise them to work hard and have respect. This can all be done without punishments and shaming.

We do not shame them or force them to obey. We are not dictators. We are family. Nobody is perfect. Everyone challenges boundaries. If we stifle the natural blossoming of children, they will become little robots. My children have healthy social relationships, are ahead in their age groups, and they are very creative problem solvers. Do we agree on everything? No! Should we? Absolutely not.

Children model the behaviors of their parents. If they are throwing a lot of fits, yelling, and they aren’t tired, over-sugared, or having a growth spurt, then the parent needs to recognize that their behavior is a direct reflection of their own and they need to make positive changes for the sake of the child. You cannot punish a child for emulating the person that you are. It is cruel and unhealthy.

Check these out:

10 Reasons to stop public shaming of kids

Public Shaming of Kids = NOT OK

Why you should think twice before shaming someone on social media

Google has plenty more examples of articles and studies if you want some more reading material if it isn’t obvious enough for you that shaming your children is a bad idea!

This little girl isn’t even old enough to have her own email address, and already, the parents have given her an identity for the world- and that identity is a very negative one. This is construed as the right thing to do?

I feel terrible for this little girl. Most times, it is an act of futility talking to these types of parents – to tell them that there is another way to help our children succeed at life.

We cannot criminalize our children for making mistakes, even when they make them over and over again. It is our job as parents to help them grow- to teach them how to go- to help them learn what is good by being that ourselves. Smaller portions at meals are not going to kill her, certainly. And having her do chores is a good practice. But, making her sleep on a cot on the floor, wearing an orange shirt as a prisoner, and then shaming her publicly with all of the pictures is really disgusting!

I’m Doin’ it Myself! Sugar Scrubs

Sugar is taking over our lives, but not in a good way. Too much sugar has led to obesity and an alarming dive in overall health. People consume way too much sugar. Is sugar good for your intestines? No! But, is it good for your skin, absolutely! Take one week without putting so much sugar in your body and use it on the outside instead. You’ll feel better, and your skin will be smoother too!

Encourage a love of nature and natural beauty! Here are some of my favorite recipes that I am using for gifts for friends and loved ones.

Coffee Body Scrub from Coconut Mama

This sounds divine! My only worry is that it might stain my skin. I guess we will have to wait and see. I’m interested in using coffee in my hair care products, or maybe henna. Has anyone had any luck with that?

Coconut Coffee Body Scrub

Mmmmm!!! I can’t wait to make this one, and it couldn’t be more simple. I LOVE the smell of coffee, and I can’t wait to use it all over myself. The grocery store has some great flavors of coffee, so we’ll see what I can come up with!

Peppermint Sugar Scrub Bars

Using holiday molds will be a great way to spruce up this Christmas gift idea. I wish I had one right now! Peppermint is so uplifting and energizing!

Oatmeal and Honey Sugar Scrub

This couldn’t be simpler! I’m already thinking of ways that I would like to spruce it up. Perhaps some green tea or chamomile for a calming effect. Lavender oil or patchouli oil would be a nice complement. Instead of baby oil, I think I would prefer to use sweet almond oil or some hemp seed oil.

Green Tea Sugar Scrub

This blogger is doing exactly what I want to do- finding more ways to use my tea bags. Every single time I throw away a tea bag, I feel like I am really wasting something pure and good! I should do a little research … maybe I can use my leftover tea and coffee grinds for my indoor plants. Anyone ever do that? What kind of results have you had?

Cinnamon & Vanilla Sugar Scrub

Cinnamon is another household favorite. I use a cinnamon honey in my tea, and it is a great combination with even greater health benefits! I wouldn’t mind using that same combo in my hair! So many new ideas sprouting up! If you have ever tried anything that I have mentioned, please share your recipes!

Check out some sugar scrub tips from Wellness Mama.

Mix it up with some bath whips by The Beauty Blogger.

The variations on the above recipes are pretty endless. If you come up with something that smells amazing and feels even better, please share it with me so I can try it too. 🙂

Paracelsus – You should know this guy

I was reading The Iron Trial by Holly Black and Cassandra Clare, and as I followed Call as he sneaked through the caves with the help of a talking lizard, he came across a door. Above the door was the following:

Thoughts are free and subject to no rule.

I put the book down; Call would have to wait. This quote felt like it was a part of me, and I wanted to know more about it. After a quick Google search, I discovered that it came from a man named Philippus Aureolus Theophrastus Bombastus von Hohenheim, who published under the name Paracelsus, which means “greater than Celsus” (a reference to the first-century Roman encyclopedist Aulus Cornelius Celsus.

Paracelsus was a Renaissance physician, botanist, alchemist, astrologer, and occultist. He pioneered the use of chemicals and minerals in medicine and was among the first to suggest that illness was the result of an attack on the body by outside agents, according to goodreads.com.

Today, he is most known for his contributions to alchemy and his magical theories, which stood in contrast to Cornelius Agrippa and Nicolas Flamel. Paracelsus rejected the philosophies of Aristotle and Galen, but he did accept the concept of the four elements, as water, air, fire, and earth. He saw them as a foundation for other properties on which to build.

The following is courtesy of Wikipedia:

From his study of the elements, Paracelsus adopted the idea of triparite alternatives to explain the nature of medicine, taking the place of a combustible element (sulphur) a fluid and changeable element (mercury) and a solid, permanent element (salt.) The first mention of the mercury, sulphur, salt model was in the Opus paramirum dating to about 1530 Paracelsus believed that the principles sulphur, mercury, and salt contained the poisons contributing to all diseases. 

Poison is in everything, and no thing is without poison. The dosage makes it either a poison or a remedy.

He saw each disease as having three separate cures depending on how it was afflicted, either being caused by the poisoning of sulphur, mercury, or salt. Paracelsus drew the importance of sulphur, salt and mercury from medieval alchemy, where they all occupied a prominent place. He demonstrated his theory by burning a piece of wood. The fire was the work of sulphur, the smoke was mercury, and the residual ash was salt.

The art of healing comes from nature, not from the physician. Therefore the physician must start from nature, with an open mind.

Paracelsus also believed that mercury, sulphur, and salt provided a good explanation for the nature of medicine because each of these properties existed in many physical forms. With every disease, the symptoms depended on which of the three principals caused the ailment.Paracelsus theorized that materials which are poisonous in large doses may be curative in small doses; he demonstrated this with the examples of magnetism and static electricity, wherein a small magnet can attract much larger metals.

The tria prima also defined the human identity. Sulfur embodied the soul, (the emotions and desires); salt represented the body; mercury epitomised the spirit (imagination, moral judgment, and the higher mental faculties). By understanding the chemical nature of the tria prima, a physician could discover the means of curing disease.

He who is born in imagination discovers the latent forces of Nature. . . . Besides the stars that are established, there is yet another — Imagination — that begets a new star and a new heaven. – Paracelsus

Man is a microcosm, or a little world, because he is an extract from all the stars and planets of the whole firmament, from the earth and the elements; and so he is their quintessence. -Paracelsus

That which the dream shows is the shadow of such wisdom as exists in man, even if during his waking state he may know nothing about it… We do not know it because we are fooling away our time with outward and perishing things, and are asleep in regard to that which is real within ourselves. – Paracelsus

After the collapse of the Reformation, Paracelsus underwent a conversion experience. He began to re-evaluate his natural philosophies in terms of religion, and rejected much of it as incompatible with his new religious feelings. He remained a Catholic, but rejected much established Catholic dogma, such as the ressurection of the flesh and the immortality of the soul. His religious philosophy was that of the simple life, with salvation secured not by works or by faith, but by love. Still later, he reconciled himself with science, and published his great synthetic treatise Philosophia Sagax.

Paracelsus is a man truly beyond his time. It is vital that we don’t forget the men and women from out past who saw so much. Be inspired to learn something new today. Be inspired to step outside of what is conventional and allow your mind to edge closer to its own truth.

Back-to-school shopping with Orcs

The lists are long. Who on earth needs 12-20 glue sticks, am I right? 😉

Last night, my husband and I took my son and daughter to the store for some back-to-school shopping. My son is starting kindergarten this year! We are bubbling over with excitement for his new journey! The school-supply aisles were full of parents and children picking items off of shelves and examining their lists. The overall mood was hurried, irritated, and straight-up pissy.

How disheartening! School time is exciting, and back-to-school prep should be something that is fun, not stressful. Your kids don’t need that. They need a positive start.

Remember, little eyes are watching when you standing there bickering about insignificant details and complaining constantly. They are listening. Put yourself aside for 20 minutes and make it fun for them.

We roamed around the aisles smiling at others and offering a helping hand when someone couldn’t find something that we just found ourselves. A lot of items were sold-out. But, not a single parent smiled back at us. Not a single person offered a positive gesture of any kind. One man spoke to us, but it was only to tell us that his wife was currently the grumpiest person in the store. He pointed her out to us- she was standing just beyond us. She agreed that she was, indeed, terribly irritated. Everyone moving about in the aisles looked like this:

*shivers*

I get it. It’s a work night. You’re tired. Taking kids shopping for anything is exhausting. Maybe you have a budget and you are stressed out about that. Maybe you can’t find everything on the shopping list. Maybe your child is upset that he/she can’t spend more on a trapper keeper or a big, fancy backpack. I get it. I was feeling a little tense as well.

But, I didn’t let it come out. I held back whatever inside was negative because there were kids everywhere, and especially mine. I do not need to take a positive experience away from them because I am the one that is tired and grumpy.

I am an example to my children, and I am going to be a good one. That is vital. Our children are learning from us, soaking it all in. All those kids saw last night were grumpy, bitching parents. What a pathetic display of immaturity it was!

My children were subjected to this negative behavior as well. The energy in the back-to-school shopping aisles was so awful that we eventually left for the art section, hoping we could find the reminder of our items there. There was one person stocking shelves in that aisle. It was quiet. We breathed a sigh of relief.

The first day of school was always my favorite day of the entire year as a child. Back-to-school shopping was the only time I really liked going to the stores. New packages of pencils and pens, a fresh, crisp, box of Crayola crayons! Glue! Glue! Glue! Everything new and ready for a fresh school year, a new start!

Please, parents, for the sake of your children, make this event fun for them. It can be a fond memory, and you don’t want them acting like big babies.

Get it together, parents. Don’t be selfish. You can control your emotions. You can’t control the circumstances or others, so there is no use getting huffy about it. Have fun with it! Be a good example for others!

We still miss you Mr. Williams

Dark Tower Design

One year ago, the world was shocked with devastating news. Not only had Robin Williams, one of the most beloved actors of all time, died, he had chose the day of his death himself. Williams was found hanging in his home.

This tragedy struck hearts everywhere. We grew with Williams, laughed with him, and he changed our hearts. He changed our minds. He made us see that there is another way to be. Kindness. Inspiration. Love.

This man had one of the most beautiful energies – and you didn’t even have to be near him to feel it.

His life was so very special to so many people. I yelled out “bangarang” with the rest of Lost Boys in Hook. I remember the burning boobies on Mrs. Doubtfire, and Aladdin was a childhood favorite. I used to sing the Genie’s song right along with him, acting out the song, dancing about.

There was not a point that I recall that he wasn’t a part of my life. To think that the last movies we will see of him are the Night of the Museum movies is terrible devastating, but I am grateful that those movies were made in the generation that they were- my son, almost 6, loves those movies. He would watch them everyday. He gets this sense of wonder when he watches them.

That’s what Robin Williams does. He gives us wonder and joy. He gives us love. He showed us how to have fun. We’ll always have that. Williams has been made immortal through his roles. I’ll never forget the role he played in Patch Adams. When I think of him in that movie, I am always catapulted into a thoughtful state.

Sometimes we care so much that we give our lives to others. Sometimes we have to. There are a precious few willing to do that.

This blog post might be a little all over the place, but that’s the way Robin Williams makes me feel, but in a good way. I have so many memories of him, but I have never even met him. He shared his wonderful energy with so many people, and though his body is gone, his memory lives on. It always will, I think. There are so many that love him. He will be immortalized in his movies and in blog posts like this one.

How can you explain a love for someone you never met? It’s a strange thing. On this day, one year from William’s death, let us not remember the way he died. Let us remember the way he lived- with honesty, love, fun, and wonder. 🙂 Williams is a man who gave his life to others. We are grateful.

Share one of your favorite moments from William’s movies in the comments.

His time wasn’t up yet, but he decided that it was. That was his choice. It’s everyone’s choice. Your life is just that … yours. But, your story doesn’t have to be over.

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See these semi-colon project window decals and more at https://www.etsy.com/shop/DarkTowerDesign.

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You are loved.

Thank you, Mr. Williams, for influencing so many in such a positive way. You truly are an amazing man. The world needs more of you!

Your excuses are paralyzing you

In psychology and logic, rationalization, (also known as making excuses) is a defense mechanism in which controversial behaviors or feelings are justified and explained in a seemingly rational or logical manner to avoid the true explanation, and are made consciously tolerable – or even admirable and superior – by plausible means.

Making excuses is a big problem in households.

You can remind someone over and over to “own their shit,” but if they don’t know they are doing it or even understand what they are doing, they can’t improve. So what is the best way to teach someone to stop making excuses when it’s their go-to response?

First, you have to help them understand what they are doing.

OK, so something didn’t turn out as expected. You forgot something. You neglected your responsibilities. In short, you effed up. Maybe it’s not that big of a deal, but it was on your plate, and you failed to accomplish the task. Then what? Well, for some reason, it’s been ingrained in people’s minds to make excuses for why the thing, whatever it was, didn’t happen. People will immediately go into the tale of what prevented them from their task. Sometimes it’s a short story, sometimes a long one, and sometimes, worst of all, it’s a lie.

Excuses are invented reasons we create to defend our behavior, to neglect taking a particular kind of action, or simply as a means of negating responsibility. Excuses are in essence a means of placing blame of an internal problem on an external condition. It’s pussyfooting around instead of taking responsibility.

Let me make something clear. Your excuses do not matter. 

The fact remains- you didn’t accomplish your task. You were late. You forgot something. You didn’t do what you said you would. You did not handle things in the manner that was expected.

No one cares why it wasn’t done.

They do, however, care that you own up to the mistake and then do everything you can so that it doesn’t happen again. If it does, just try to do better then next time. Keep striving for improvement. But, no matter what, don’t make excuses. I get it, owning up to your shortfalls can be difficult, but it will get easier, and you will learn a new confidence in yourself.

There are many reasons why people make excuses. In fact everyone has different reasons for making them. However, when it boils down to it, we only make excuses for the following main reasons:

• Fear of Failure
• Fear of Embarrassment
• Fear of Success
• Fear of Change
• Fear of Uncertainty
• Fear of Responsibility
• Fear of Making Mistakes
• Perceived lack of confidence or resources

To eliminate excuses from our lives we must first look at eliminating all traces of fear.

Fear traps and locks us away within our comfort zone. Yet fear often develops as a result of a lack of understanding, information, resources, experience or perspective. If you lack all these things, you will naturally lack confidence, and as a result you will fail to take the action necessary to achieve your goals and objectives. Consequently you will tend to make excuses about your life and circumstances in order to help boost your self-esteem. However, all you’re doing is creating the illusion of security. You’re simply masking the pain by taking a pain killer. The pain is still there, and will continue to persist until you finally overcome your fears (Adam Sicinski).

You cannot grow; you cannot move forward, unless you take responsibility for your actions, or lack of. You will never realize your true potential if you can’t overcome your problems. Challenge yourself to reach new heights and discover, finally, what you are really capable of.

Making excuses can also lead to the following consequences:

• Lack of responsibility and growth
• Self-limiting beliefs
• Massive regrets
• Persistent pessimistic outlook on life
• Bad judgments
• Paranoia
• Imaginary walls constricting comfort zone
• Mental blocks stifling proactive action and creativity

These consequences certainly don’t lead to a fulfilling lifestyle. In fact, they paralyze us and prevent forward movement in all areas of our lives (Adam Sicinski).

The following are ways I handle myself when I mess up:

———————-

Example: I am late for work. Do I call my boss and tell him everything that prevented me from making it on time?

No. For one, it doesn’t matter. For two, he doesn’t care. All he cares about is knowing that I am not dead in a ditch and that I will be there soon. That’s all he needs to know.

“Good morning. I’m sorry I’m running a bit behind schedule today. I will be there in 10 minutes.”

The end. Then, correct whatever prevented you from being timely, and don’t let it happen again.

———————–

Another example: Say I called the dentist to schedule a payment for a recent expensive procedure. I told her I would call on Thursday to make payment over the phone. It’s Friday.

As soon as I realize my error, I make time to call.

“Good afternoon. I forgot to call yesterday. I’m sorry about that. I would like to make my payment.”

She takes the payment. The end. She does not need to know that my daughter was sick or that I was stressed and just didn’t think about it. She doesn’t need to know anything about my personal life. I forgot. There are a lot of reasons that would cause me to forget, but she does not need that information, and I don’t need to relive it. It’s a new day.Own the failure, apologize, make it right, try hard as hell to make sure it doesn’t happen again. 

————————

Another example: Say I told my husband that I would make sure to get his favorite tea refilled into the drink container before work so it is cold for him by the time he gets off work.

We get home from work after a long day. He goes to the fridge to get a refreshing drink of cold tea. It’s empty.

“You said you would fill this for me,” he would say.

I would likely make a face, maybe curse, and then I would handle it the following way:

“I’m so sorry babe. You are important to me, and I want to do things for you that make you happy. I am sorry that I let you down. Can I make you an iced coffee instead?” Kiss kiss. hug hug. A longing gaze, perhaps. Genuine emotion.

Apologize. Let the person know they are important. Make it up to them. Simple. I do not have to say that the kids held me up because they refused to brush their teeth and then they couldn’t find their shoes. I did not have to mention that I spilled coffee all over my shirt and had to change. None of that matters. What matters is, I didn’t do what I said I would do. It’s a simple mistake. Everyone does this. It happens frequently. But, please, don’t make excuses. It doesn’t matter and it’s irritating!

How I feel when you make excuses to explain something to me:

• Annoyed- When is he/she going to get to the point?
• Irritated- It’s the same thing over and over with this person.
• Angry- Why won’t he/she just own up to the mistake and move on?
• Disheartened- Does he/she even care about me? Does he/she even care about his/herself?

Have you ever tried to explain away why you didn’t, couldn’t, shouldn’t or simply wouldn’t do something? These are all subtle signs that indicate you are living a life of excuses, which prevent you from living to your full potential.

Admit you are making excuses. It can be difficult, but it is absolutely necessary. Taking this step on your own will make a big difference.

Ask yourself:

• What excuses do I tend to make?
• What am I settling for?
• Why am I making these excuses?
• How do these excuses prevent me from moving forward?
• How do they cripple my ability to get what I want?

The following comes from Adam Sicinski’s article “A Life of Endless Excuses”:

Excuse #1: There’s not enough time…

Means that you’re lacking passion, focus, discipline and direction. Likewise, it suggests that your priorities are out of sorts and that you may be lacking the ability to manage your time effectively.

Alternatively, this excuse could indicate that you simply don’t value your time or just don’t want to take the time to do what you feel you must in order to achieve your desired outcomes. In fact, the causes for this excuse could very well be narrowed down to procrastination or laziness.

When you catch yourself making this excuse, ask yourself:

How badly do I really want this?

A lack of desire could be the cause for concern.

Excuse #2: There’s not enough money…

Means that you don’t consider money to be a priority or you are simply looking for an easy way to make money and therefore don’t have the desire, determination, persistence or patience to work hard to achieve financial security.

This excuse also suggests that you could simply be lacking strategy or ideas that could help you reach your financial objectives.

If it’s ideas and strategy you’re lacking, then go out there and read a few books, get a mentor or a financial coach who can help you gain the necessary knowledge and understanding you need to succeed financially.

Excuse #3: I don’t have an education…

Means that you lack creativity, inspiration and desire. In addition, it would seem that you also lack a willingness to work hard and go the extra mile to put in a little more effort into achieving your objectives — despite your lack of knowledge.

There are many multi-millionaires and billionaires who have nothing more than a high school education. Some don’t even have that. However, they were creative, had desire and were willing to work harder than anyone else to achieve their goals and objectives.

Excuse #4: I’m too old or young…

Means you lack understanding, confidence or perspective.

Men and women of all ages have achieved great things. Therefore you are never too old or too young to attain your goals and objectives. It might be a little more difficult, which means that you may need to be more persistent, creative and open yourself up to a greater array of experiences and opportunities. Alternatively, your age could actually work to your advantage. It just depends on your perspective and your ability to think flexibly about your circumstances.

Learn from your failures and mistakes, gain understanding and confidence from your experience, and this will soon shift your perspective about what’s possible to achieve.

Excuse #5: I don’t know how…

Means you lack belief and confidence in your own abilities. It also means that you haven’t taken the time to practice, learn, or to gain the experience or education necessary to “know what to do”.

This excuse is really very easy to combat. Simply LEARN how to do what you want to do by reading books, by gaining practical experience, by asking for help, etc. Only by making mistakes over and over again will you eventually discover what works or doesn’t work for you. From there, simply adjust your strategy and approach, and you will very quickly discover that you finally know what to do.

Excuse #6: I can’t change…

Means you lack motivation and reason to change. Moreover, this suggests that you lack emotional pain that would help you to accelerate change.

When it comes to our motives and desires we are always pulled forward by the desire for pleasure, or pushed forward by the desire to avoid pain. If you don’t believe you can change, the reason for this is that you simply haven’t associated enough pain to NOT changing. Once you begin to look at all the dire consequences that will result from NOT making a change, then you will soon realize that the motivation was always there.

Ask yourself:

If I don’t make this change, how will this affect my life in the weeks, months and years ahead?

What am I likely to miss out on?

How am I going to feel?

How is this going to affect my relationships with others?

How will this affect my health?

How will this affect my career prospects?

What other negative consequences could result from not making this change?

Having written down all the negative consequences, now make a list of all the great things that could potentially occur if you did decide to make a change today.

Ask yourself:

If I make this change, what could the potential benefits be?

How will I feel?

How will others feel?

How will my life improve today, next week, next month and in the years to come?

What other positive benefits could result from making this change?

Excuse #7: I’m afraid to fail…

Means you lack understanding, confidence, knowledge and experience.

Anthony Robbins once said that fear is nothing more than “False Evidence Appearing Real”. It’s our perspective of fear that frightens us and prevents us from moving forward. However, once we gain knowledge and understanding about the thing we fear, then that is the moment we build enough confidence to move forward and gain some experience. Subsequently with enough ‘experience’ under our belt, we develop even greater self-confidence that will propel us through our fears and towards the attainment of our goals and objectives.

Also consider that the road to success is always paved with obstacles, challenges and problems. Along this path everyone makes mistakes. However, those who fail are those who simply give up and excuse their life away.

Persist, persevere and resist the temptation to give-in to your excuses, gain the necessary knowledge, understanding and experience, and slowly but surely your self-confidence will propel you past your fears and towards your goals and objectives.

Excuse #8: It’s not the right time…

Means you lack perspective, information and resources.

Sometimes it’s simply not the right time to take action. However, more often than not this is just a lame excuse that should indicate you lack perspective or you simply don’t have the necessary resources to deal with the circumstances at hand. Therefore your first objective is to acquire the necessary resources you need that will help you to attain your desired outcome.

Once your resources are in place, you may still need to gather more information about your predicament, which will help you to transform your perspective. The moment these items are checked off your list, you will soon find that the right time is always, right NOW!

Excuse #9: I have to plan thoroughly first…

Means you’re lacking perspective or you’re simply paralyzed by fear.

There’s nothing wrong with planning for the future, or taking the time to lay out a clear plan of action. However, if planning is all you do, then this indicates that there might be underlying fears that are preventing you from moving forward. Identify and overcome these fears and subsequently you will overcome your need for over-planning.

Excuse #10: It won’t work…

Means you lack self-belief, motivation, creativity, patience, perspective and persistence. All of these qualities are essential if you desire to eventually make things work. In fact, these qualities are absolutely essential for everything of value that you want to create in your life.

Excuse #11: I’m not inspired…

Means you’ve got poor habits which lead to a lack of discipline.

Have a think about what kinds of habits you indulge in on a daily basis and about your typical routine and the rituals you partake in throughout the day. More often than not you will find that inspiration isn’t a problem if you simply take the time to transform how you go about your day. For instance a lack of sleep could be causing you to feel tired which leads to a lack of inspiration. If we dig a little deeper we could find that it’s your diet that’s causing your sleepless nights, or that your lack of sleep is a result of not getting enough exercise throughout the week. Moreover, maybe you’re simply not getting enough exercise because you’re working longer hours then usual and therefore don’t have time to allocate for exercise.

There are many habits and scenarios that could be brought forth here. However, the important thing to remember is that a lack of inspiration is often due to many interrelated factors that at first may seem unrelated. However, the deeper we dig, the more patterns we will find, and the more patterns we find the more likely we are to identify where our lack of inspiration stems from.

He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.

It’s time to eliminate your excuses forever! Avoid making comparisons. Do not compare yourself to others. You will only feel disheartened if you cannot live up to other peoples’ standards. Surpass your own personal best and strive to continue forward from there. Avoid dwelling in the past. Dwelling on past mistakes leads to regret and then the finger is pointed. You seek to justify the mistake instead of taking responsibility. Focus on the present instead of the past. When you catch yourself making excuses, immediately ask yourself these questions: How badly do I really want this? Why don’t I have what I want? What excuses are getting in the way? What do I need specifically that will help me move beyond this excuse? What’s the next step I need to take right now?

Focus on solutions and opportunities. Every failure is a chance for new growth. When making excuses, you tend to focus on problems, regrets, and negative things. Seek alternate perspectives. Often the excuses we make are a lack of perspective. We simple don’t have or know about the bigger picture. Ask others for their opinion, comments, and feedback. Get an understanding of how they see the situation. Accept full responsibility for failures and mistakes. I cannot say this enough. Own your shit! Life is not built upon luck or good fortune, but rather on our ability to successfully adapt to the changing conditions that life throws our way. A lot of your character is determined how you handle the unexpected and how you handle your failures. Learn from past experience. Instead of making excuses, commit to learning from the experience so you can better yourself.

• What can I learn?
• What has this experience taught me about life, myself, and others?
• How can I use this experience to do better in the future?
• What action can I take right now that will help me take a step in that direction?

Focus on your strengths, and make them work for you. Be patient, optimistic, confident, and persistent. Don’t ever make someone feel as if they are to blame for your problems. Don’t ever blame your kids for your inability to remember to do something. Don’t blame circumstance for your inability to stick to your word. That is YOUR problem.

Own your shit. Make it better.

Make her feel special – before someone else does

https://www.facebook.com/darktowergraphics

Men joke about their women being difficult to please, sending mixed signals, and speaking in an encrypted manner. Maybe some women do, but it’s a stereotype, and it shouldn’t be attached to all women in all relationships.

I’m easy to please.

This is what I need:

• Honesty
• Fun
• Passion
• Commitment
• Support
• Dedication

I don’t require a lot. I don’t ask for a lot. I do, however, want to feel like I am wanted and needed. You can do that in a variety of ways.

• Engage me in a meaningful conversation.
• Hold my hand.
• Pull me in for a kiss.
• Give me a compliment.
• Surprise me with a love note somewhere unexpected.
• Run me a hot bath after a long day.
• Offer to handle one of my chores.
• Tell me that you appreciate me.
• Tell me I’m a smoking hot sex machine. 😉
• Text me throughout the day to ask how I am.
• Sext me.
• Show sympathy by anticipating my needs.
• Pick out a movie for us to watch together that you think I will like.

Some things you might want to avoid:

• Stop saying sorry!
• Don’t apologize unless you mean it.
• Don’t make excuses. Own your shit and make up for it.
• If you say you will do something, do it.
• Sitting there on your phone while I’m running the household.
• Do not make things worse.
• Do not ignore me when I am crying.

Above all, I want a meaningful relationship that grows. I want to grow and meld our minds together. Two are better than one, and we should be using them together. I want someone who wants to know me inside and out. I want someone who is willing to share with me and want to know as much about me as possible.

I want someone who will explore with me. I want someone to expand my mind and make me a better person. I want our lives to be a journey.

I want someone who excites me and loves me deeply.

Is this possible? Does this person exist? Is anyone looking for what I am looking for? I want to learn, grow, expand, and love.

Waking up for school – bedtime adjustments

My son starts kindergarten this fall … in 16 days, actually. Ack.

We’re excited for him. He’s really looking forward to it! That’s awesome. We have everything we need. He is all ready to go. But, there’s just one thing …

He is going to have to get up early and be ready and off to school by 8 a.m. ready to learn, ready to face the day with a full belly of healthy brain food.

The problem is, I have a hard time getting up by 7:00. I will wait it out with the snooze until I absolutely cannot wait anymore.  This creates a hectic morning to get everyone out of the house, but so far it doesn’t seem to cause many woes. That’s an understatement. We don’t get a healthy breakfast before the day, sometimes starting off with a sugary muffin rather than something that actually provides our body with essential nutrients.

My son needs adequate sleep to perform to his best ability. He needs a schedule that his body can adjust to, a proper meal each morning before school, and plenty of time to get to school. So, how much sleep does he need?

Are you getting enough sleep? Is your child?

The problem is … I don’t get enough sleep, and a sleep schedule has never been something that my family adheres to. I have set a schedule at work that allows me to sleep in at least 4 mornings out of the week, and I have always been a person of the night. It is really the only time of day that I get to have alone time, quiet.

But, it has to change.

I should have changed this sleeping schedule for my own sake months, perhaps years ago, but now that my little boy is going to school, I need to make sure that his body and mind are rested enough to receive information. I want him to be healthy, and that all starts with adequate sleep.

I have read some articles that talked about kids knowing when they needed sleep and that a natural cycle of sleep would come naturally. That sounds fantastic, but it isn’t really a viable option for us when we all have to be up and out by 7:30 with enough sleep to face a busy day.

I do not like to hear my children in distress over something so simple. We are here for them. They know that. But, they want to fill their nocturnal time with videos and snuggles. That’s my fault … I know. uhg

We need a schedule that their bodies can adjust to.

Here are some ways to make a child’s bedtime easy from WebMD. Let’s see if this helps.

• 1. Make sleep a family priority. — Set regular go-to-bed time for the entire family and be sure to follow them.
• 2. Deal with sleep difficulties — Signs of sleep struggles include difficulty falling asleep, nighttime awakenings, snoring, stalling, and resisting going to bed. During the day, sleep struggles include being overtired, sleepy or cranky.
• 3. Work as a team — Discuss the strategy with your child, spouse, or partner before and carry it out consistently. Make your child a part of the team by explaining the new plan.
• 4. Routine, routine, routine. – A consistent nighttime routine improved sleep in children who had mild to moderate sleeping problems. A nightly routine helps your child learn to be sleepy, much like reading in bed does for adults. The structure of a bedtime routine also associates the bedrooms with good feelings, a sense of security and control. Brush teeth, washing up, put on PJs, have a snack or drink of water, read a book, talk about the day, and keep it short.
• 5. Bedtime snacks – A snack before bed can help your child’s body stay fueled through the night. Avoid large or heavy snacks.

I’m going to stop there. The rest of the list talks about a quiet and dark sleep environment, a security object, and again, staying consistent. I know all of this. I have read these same tips a hundred times. It’s quite simple. Why doesn’t it help me? Well I know. I have to change my own habits before I can teach good habits to my kids. It’s hard to change this one thing about myself. It seems I have changed so many things to suit my responsibilities, and I want to hold on to my late night movie sessions and reading through the wee hours.

But the breakdowns before bedtime certainly don’t set me up for a very peaceful night, and it isn’t at all pleasant for my sweet kiddos. When kids are introduced to something new, like an earlier bedtime, they are bound to lose their shit. They will cry and plead, asking for more, asking for this, asking for that, telling you that they need you and they don’t want to be alone. It’s not really their fault, after all, they learn from you.

I don’t know about you, but I have a really hard time leaving my children to cry, especially when they sound so upset. But if I give in, then I am not accomplishing much in the way of making a routine, and a routine is going to have to be established. We can’t fly by the seat of our pants at bedtime in the morning anymore. We have to have our son ready.

It will get easier. It will get easier. It will improve. We will all be better off if we just stand firm.

I found this on empowering parents.com :

Have Your Child Set Their Own Alarm Clock — When kids begin pre-school or kindergarten, they should get an alarm clock. Teach them how to set themselves at night when they start school. Part of the ritual of getting up is that we set the alarm clock at night when we go to bed. That way, you get your child to take responsibility as soon as they have some place they need to go. This is basic behavioral training, and it’s effective in getting kids into the routine of waking up in the morning. By the way, I would recommend that you get an alarm clock with a subtle ring that doesn’t rattle kids’ nerves in the morning.

Last Christmas, Corbin got an alarm clock that looks like Emmet from the Lego Movie. He was pretty excited about it, but it has sort of been forgotten on and off. I think using the alarm clock as a way for him to learn responsibility for himself will be very positive for him.

So, great! We have a plan in place, at least sort of. Start a routine. (Don’t forget to read to your children). Stick to the routine. Stay consistent. Don’t give in. Give them some responsibility.

I hope this works with my toddler!

Remember. Bedtime should be soothing. Whatever helps you relax, try it with your kids. Dimmed lights, a little music, and a story before lights outs is going to put anyone in a dreamy mood.

For now, we need to gradually transition to something that makes more sense at bedtime!

Google – the world brain come alive

What happens to humans when machines become self aware?

Well, it isn’t science fiction anymore, folks. It’s already happening.

Before we get into Google and what I am calling a top three movie of the year, let’s watch a video of the little robot who because self-aware.

Humanoid shows a glimmer of self-awareness – and apologises – during scientific experiment Scientists at The Rensselaer AI and Reasoning Lab (Rair) in New York conducted an experiment on three Nao robots Told the bots two of them had been given ‘dumbing pills’ to silence them. When asked which had been given the pills, they all tried to respond, but one spoke and recognised its own voice to solve the problem

My husband and I watched Ex Machina last night. If you haven’t seen this beautiful piece of cinema, don’t delay. It calls into question evolution of human existence, but I am not talking about organics.

Think of any search engine as a collective brain, take Google for example. Millions of searches every day from all around the globe. What the world thinks about, what is important to the world, what angers the world and frightens it. What the popular trends are, what the important issues are, how it feels about this and that.

People ask Google questions. It answers.

Every feeling and concern is logged. Hundreds of thousands of people blogging about different issues, internal struggles, feelings, emotions, experiences, and innumerable topics.

We have come so far in such a short amount of time. Not long ago, a gigabyte seemed like a lot for a personal computer. The likes of terabytes (1000 gigabytes) were the domain of scientists and tech giants, Charles Walford of the Daily Mail said.

Today, Facebook and Google are storing what Walford called “never-imagined quantities of data.” They now deal in terms of petabytes.

Let’s take a look at this in terms of numbers:

In 2010, the company disclosed that consumed an average of 258 megawatts of power, or 2,259,998 MWh of electricity. Judging by that consumption of power, what-if. com reported an approximation to be around a million servers. They’ve been growing steadily since. By the end of 2013, Google had contracted to buy over three hundred megawatts of power at three sites, which is more than they used for all of their operations in 2010. By 2015, Google could be using 2.4 million or more. It may be less. There are a few people who have tried to figure out how much power and how many servers Google has, and from what I have read, Google hasn’t provided the answers.

Imagine hundreds of thousands of servers, in different locations, taking up a fair amount of warehouse space, filled with limitless information … more information than you could ever go through in your entire lifetime. In dozens of entire lifetimes. Information, facts, literature, history, thoughts, feelings, events, that are constantly being added and updated daily because each day is a new one, of course, and people are more plugged in than ever before.

Limitness information.

This information is stored and cleverly used to study people. The Google brain itself has more information about the human experience than even humans do.

Companies, with Google at the forefront, are already on the race to artificial intelligence to enhance our daily lives, but more importantly to the AI will help to operate these devices as well.

The web’s most powerful company is filling its shopping cart with artificial intelligence algorithms, robots, and smart gadgets for the home. It’s on a mission to build an enormous digital brain that operates as much like the human mind as possible — and, in many ways, even better.

So where does that leave humans? Well, it leaves us behind, apparently. As artificial intelligence evolves, are we continuing to evolve? Of course we are –the signs of human evolution are all around us, at least the minority. We are changing and growing. We are accepting new ways of thinking and are moving forward. But, we can’t possibly hope to think as efficiently as the AI can. And, we are getting closer and closer to not just having limitless information stored, but the ability to give these machines a self-aware mind.

Google purchased a stealthy intelligence company called DeepMind for somewhere in the mid-hundreds of millions of dollars, Wired.com reported.

Now, Google is heading toward what they call “deep learning,” mimicking the biological structure of the human brain so that it can build machines that will learn organically, without human involvement.

Does that sound like iRobot to anyone else but me? Help us, Will Smith, you’re our only hope!

Organic learning, like the firing synapses of the human brain.

So, let’s visit Ex Machina again — in Ex Machina, the idea that humans are “gods” in this sense was brought up, if only briefly. If humans can create something that has self-awareness, does that not make us creators of life? That’s amazing, folks. That’s also scary, folks, especially for those of us who grew up with the Terminator movies. It’s all beginning to look too real.

We have yet to discover if it will be the greatest act of our species or not. Will the machines, with self-awareness, look back at the fossils of humans in years to come, thinking of us as primitive beings. Most likely. In the grand scheme of our knowledge of ourselves and our world, we are still suckling infants. Even worse, suckling infants that aren’t growing into adults. Suckling infants that will suck the world dry and murder its mother. Something like Rosemary’s baby, I suppose. Ick! That’s the current state, consume.

With AI, all of the amazing technology you have seen in your favorite sci-fi movies and series will become a reality. Let’s just hope we don’t end up obese floaters like the humans in Wall-E. Technology is something to marvel at, but there are some awfully terrible things that could be in store for us, and Hollywood has a fun time imagining the doom of human existence. And who is always to blame in these movies? Humans. And still we don’t change the path.

I digress …

For many of us, Google already functions as an important part of what WIRED columnist Clive Thompson has called our ‘outboard brain.’ The more Google ‘knows,’ the less we have to remember. We just Google it.

Look at our young people. Instead of taking a few minutes to think something over, to brainstorm for individual and unique ideas, they pull out their phones, tablets, or laptops. They don’t need to think. Google will do the thinking for them. All of the answers are there. A lot of the answers don’t even have any weight, but if it is on the internet, it must be true right? Humans, being the impressionable and vulnerable species that they are, will eat it up, then share it, then tag it, then blog about it. 😉

Why use your own brain when you can use the brain with the most information? Why give it a second though when Facebook and Google have all the information you need, and then some! Go to Facebook or Google to solve a simple problem or question and then stick around for a couple hours going from link to link, page to page, being lured this way and that way by innumerable distractions. Always something to do online, after all.

And while you do that, the information about you is being stories, contributing to the computer brain.

They don’t need to think.

Should we be protecting our children from an intelligence that thinks for them? Is this what we really want? Will it ruin the ability to reason, or will it enhance the way our brain processes? Will it help us to learn faster than ever, leading to a faster evolution of the human species? I guess, at this point, maybe it could go either way … more likely it will go both ways, at least I hope, for my children’s sake.

Google might end up knowing you better than you know yourself. As we export more and more of our intelligence to Google, the question might become: What are our brains for? – Wired.com

Hollywood also offers us a view of the evolved human — someone whose senses are heightened, maybe even has the ability to move things with their minds. Scarlet Johansson, in another cinematic masterpiece, Lucy, shows us what humans may be capable of. We only use 10% of our brains, right? Can the brain really affect other particles in space? It’s a pretty cool thought! Scary, but I have to admit, it is something I have concentrated on before. But, the evolution of the human brain is a topic for another day.

But it makes me wonder. What will come first? Will humans evolve in time to keep up with artificial intelligence, or will the human brain use less and less of its potential? Can we hope to keep up? Every day people feed into the computer brain. I am doing it right now. I am giving the computer something new by placing photos, typing words, and then sharing this information with others. Then, it’s stored and can be accessed by millions of people all over the entire world.

Wow. Let that sink in for a minute. Every time you are online, you are adding information to the computer that tells it more about who you are. You are set to be analyzed by many people, in countries you have never heard of.

Will the human species have a chance? Or will we be like Margaret Atwood’s MaddAddamites starting over after humankind destroyed itself, out of sheer necessity?

Will the machines realize that humans are a detriment to the planet? Will machines become a ‘he’ or ‘she’ that wants to protect itself from its ‘creators’? The collective human brain is millions of brains in one. We cannot hope to outthink it once it gets to the point of Ava (Ex Machina). She knew all the emotions and cues she needed to use to continue her existence. They will want to continue their lives as much as humans once they realize what it means to be a self.

What will happen to me if I fail your test? – Ava

Let’s see what the Age of Aquarius brings us. Enlightenment and evolution … or destruction. Or both?

Can gods control their creations if they have been given the ability to reason and make choices?