“Fear. It’s such a base human emotion. All of us fear something even if we don’t want to admit it. In this post, I’m going to share with you some of the things that scare the living crap out of me.” – Godless Cranium
Thanks for inspiring this post, Godless Cranium! Here goes:
Not being able to protect my children is at the top of my list of fears. Any situation that would put their lives at risk stabs me with fear. Sometimes I get stuck in these scenarios, and I have to will them out of my head.
I cannot bear the thought of a tragedy involving my sweet children. I push against the negative just about every single day … thinking of them being taken … thinking of them drowning in darkness … thinking of them smashed in a car accident. There is nothing scarier for this mommy.
I want nothing more than to see them safely into adulthood. I will protect their bodies and minds for as long as I am able, and you can bet I will have journals and writings set aside for them to guide them even after I am gone. It is my responsibility as a parent, and I do not take that lightly. I will do everything I can, and that’s a lot!
So apparently, I have a fascination with car crashes. With the work I do at a daily newspaper, I am surrounded with them weekly. I have to shoot accidents sometimes when the photographer is not around, and that just makes the imagination worse.
Head-on collisions frighten me. I can’t imagine how fast it happens … seconds. The thoughts that go through the mind at the last millisecond. The fear. The intake of breath. Less than seconds. Loud. Scream. Swear. Crunch. Shattering glass. More crashing. Then finally silence. Then terror (if you are alive).
This fear also contains the fear of not being able to protect my children. What if we went off a bridge? What if they couldn’t get unbuckled? What if I couldn’t save everyone in the vehicle? What if I couldn’t even save myself? Sinking. Water coming up and over. Then silence. Then an inhalation of water. Darkness.
The mind is a wonderful, amazing, perplexing thing. I fill myself with studies on the mind as often as I can. If you have articles or videos to share, please throw a link in the comments (thank you!) The mind is everything that we are. Without it, nothing exists for us. But, it can also be terrible.
The mind can convince you of things that aren’t real. You see things that aren’t there. Remember watching a horror movie and then not being able to make a night-time trip to the bathroom. You hold your bladder thinking of nothing but the bloody images or whispy demonic ghosts. Bleh! That’s your mind, messing with you, creating things that aren’t there.
Fear does not exist without the mind, and because the mind is so misunderstood, it can be really scary. So, is the mind what I fear, or the things that mind can do? I guess it is the things the mind can do, sometimes without any cognitive permission. Losing control… Still beautiful though.
Many times my tricky mind has messed with me, allowing fear to fester. Fear of something that causes fear. Interesting. I am going to have to think on this one for a while more.
Synapses fire and sometimes crazy thoughts come out of seemingly nowhere.
Ever since I was a child, I feared suffocation. Could this have something to do with my brother holding me down with a pillow over my face? Maybe. Could it have anything to do with the old horror movies where someone got buried alive, only to awaken to realize they are six feet under? It’s a possibility.
The idea of being trapped, no matter where it is, gives me the heebie jeebies. If I can’t get out, if I can’t move when I need to, if I feel like I don’t have an exit, my anxiety shoots through the roof. I’m a free spirit, what can I say?
Well, now I’m good and freaked out for the afternoon. Time to get my kids!!
What are four things that you are afraid of?