There are two versions of me.
It can best be explained by way of my astrological signs, which, don’t balk, are incredibility accurate, at least for me.
I was born March 21st. As such, I am an Aries/Pisces cusp. That means, I take traits from both Aries and Pisces because my birthday lands on the first day of Aries.
They are so conflicting!
Aries- fire. Pisces- water.
Aries- stubborn. Pisces- Calm and even-tempered.
Some days I am more of an Aries; some days I am more of a Pisces. A balance of both works okay, but I can be quite a mess on days that I lean heavily towards one or the other. My Aries side disagrees with my Pisces side, and my Pisces side falls into fits of tears over what the Aries side is capable of.
INSECURITY AND EMOTIONAL INSTABILITY
The dark side of the Pisces-Aries cusp is the fact that the more the Pisces values emotional authenticity the more the Pisces becomes insecure. Pisces often ends up in emotional analysis paralysis because they tend to over analyze things.
Not only do I deal with this dichotomy, but I am also a woman, so that’s a super, awesome throat punch. For half of the month, I am fine and happy. For the other half of the month, I am a whirling tornadic bitch.
Where is the balance with water and fire? How can water and fire find harmony in the same container? Is it even possible?
At the most basic, the Pisces Aries cusp can be a winning combination. Imagine somebody who is emotionally deep, imagine somebody who navigates his world based on the emotional signals people are sending and interacts with those people on an emotional level.
This person of course is able to walk many doors. This person is welcome in the hearts of many people because he’s able to speak their emotional language. Normally, this type of person has to be gentle or at least very diplomatic.
Now, pair that type of personality with boldness and brashness fire in the belly. This can be a winning combination because let’s face it, salesmanship, executive leadership; it’s all about reading people.
It’s all about figuring out the signals that they send and taking action on it.
The Aries component of the Pisces-Aries cusp provides the boldness. The Pisces provides the emotional depth. Put this together and it can be a very powerful combination. You can be a sales or executive or management juggernaut.
I keep combatting who I am, thinking that maybe someday it will change or that someday I will evolve into something different. Some days I can accept it (Pisces), while other days I want to drive off a bridge (Aries).
Aries isn’t bad. Pisces isn’t bad. But, they hardly agree … most times. Sometimes. Anytime??
That isn’t to say that Aries/Pisces cuspers are doomed? We have a lot of wonderful traits.
What you probably wouldn’t guess at least at first is that this combination, just like with hybrids in nature can produce something bigger and better than those two separate signs their own.
Emotional paralysis. Too often this is my reality. There is not a reason for the way I feel. Generally, there isn’t anything significant that is upsetting me. It’s just this state of being that I get into that I cannot get out of. It feels like numbness and an empty fullness, if that makes any sense. Too full. It’s like I will burst at any minute, but the elastic just keeps stretching and stretching, so I am anticipating the explosion, but it doesn’t happen. Limbo. Purgatory. I have no control when I feel that way. I just have to ride it out. I always end up feeling terrible afterwards. I’m not the easiest person to be around sometimes.
If you’re unhappy and frustrated right now, I’m sorry to tell you but it is part of the mental pictures that you choose to focus on.
Okay, fair enough. But, I don’t really see anything. I don’t really have a focus. I’m just drifting, but static. Maybe it is my focus on a dichotomous nature that throws me underfoot. Do I allow this to happen, or is it just normal for me?
I’m not always this pessimistic, I promise.
Maybe tomorrow I will be the other, calmer side again. And when I am, I will probably give myself hell for writing this post and sharing this side of myself with people … even if it is only the tip of the iceberg.