Inner Predator by Cassie

-This review was written during the initial reading …

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Scrolling through Wattpad, I found a title and image that enticed me. Inner Predator is a relatable and smart title, and the image of the fair-skinned red head certainly added an air of mystery and sex appeal.

I wanted to close the tab as soon as I saw the errors in the introduction. Before going live with something on the Internet, a writer should really check for obvious errors. I anticipate the story to be full of errors after this introduction. Additionally, I wouldn’t tell my readers that the story is one that was without inspiration and lost amongst the other computer junk. But, here goes:

After the first page, I an unconvinced of Aurora’s “badassery.” No doubt she has a puffed up ego, and maybe for good reason, but if you don’t fight against those who are tougher than you, you are not any kind of fighter. I think she should fight a vampire. Give yourself a challenge, girl!

There are some vagaries that need to be addressed. When writing a fantasy piece with supernatural humans, it is a good idea to discuss the rules of the world. I can imagine what a Mystical strength is, but I want to know how it works… how it feels… how it moves through her body. Make me feel it. I am left with a feeling over and over wondering how this mystical world works and why these people are the way they are. I am sure the rules of the supernatural world will be revealed later, but, still, I want to feel it.

“Really girly girls”           eek

“I want to smack his face off of his face.”                Tell me how you really feel. 

Aurora admits she is arrogant and fearful of vampires. OK, I kind of already got that. But, why should I care about this character? Already I am feeling kind of annoyed by her.

 “He bends down until his face is right in mine and his silver eyes brighten and start to appear liquid.”

My interest is slightly peaked when Chase (the silvery-eyed vamp) wants to fight Aurora. Knowing that he would not normally challenge her makes me wonder why. This interesting part of the story could come sooner.

I am at the point where Aurora is being woken up to go to class. She has to get to class because she grew up not knowing what she was, and she has to learn the history “and ways of Supernatural beings.”

This is where I stop. I’m reminded of Harry Potter at this point, and I just don’t feel invested enough in the characters to continue. In a story that has really hooked me, I cannot put the book down for fear of something happening to the characters. I have to know what happens to them. It affects me. That’s what I need here, and that’s what is missing. That, and correctly placed commas and semicolons. Sure, the story can be great with some errors, but to me, as a reader, every time I encounter an obvious error, it pulls me completely out of the story.

Perhaps I will finish this story sometime … maybe I will be surprised …